With the odd exception this blog has always been pretty positive. I’ve written heaps about travel, fashion, lifestyle et cetera, all of which have been about stuff I’ve liked. But, for the sake of honesty, I feel like I’d be a fraud to write about those sort of things right now. After all, this is a self indulgent blog all about myself. And I’m not in the sort of head space to write about happy things, when that’s not me right now.
I’m not looking for sympathy or anything! I’m sure if everyone’s moods were documented on a chart it’d be all over the place, and it just so happens that at the moment my chart would have a lot of downs. I’m just not particularly happy right now. I realised this last night when watching a Louis Theroux documentary where he spent a while with Chris Eubank. The camaraderie between the two of them was genuinely funny and I laughed and then thought ‘shit I haven’t laughed in a while’. Writing that out and reading it back sounds ridiculous and depressing, and I can’t reiterate enough that I’m just venting, not attention seeking. (If no-one reads this that’s fine, I’m getting stuff off my chest). There’s no one, and nothing to blame for me feeling like this, it’s just a phase!
I know that things will pick up soon. I think generally I’m a pretty happy guy! And I remember the old philosophies about needing to feel sad to appreciate feeling happy, so I’m due a whole bunch of happiness! Not one to sit and stew, I’ve planned to visit a couple of friends soon at their unis and home towns, some of which I’ve not seen since I was in Holland, so that will be super nice. I’m feeling quite isolated at the moment, not knowing anyone on my degree (though I’m working on that too), and I think I really just need to see some friends! I’m pretty good at enjoying my own company, but there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely, and right now I’d say I’m verging on the more negative of the two. I’m a trooper though!!
One thing that this mood swing (for want of a better term) has cemented in my mind, is my desire to write. When I feel like this I don’t want to talk to anyone about my woes, but put them down in words. It’s like every letter takes a little weight off my shoulders. If you could pick up this blog it would weigh a good few kilos.
Anyway, I don’t want this blog to turn into a glorified diary, and I’ll get back to my old posts when the times right. I honestly feel better already, blogging is the best medicine! Thanks for reading, I appreciate it loads!