My Deepest Darkest Thoughts 1

I’ve really quite enjoyed writing ‘A Social Commentary 1+2’ recently. The act of writing my abstract thoughts is cathartic and helps to compartmentalise my brain. But this topic doesn’t really fit.

It’s a topic which I’m kind of obsessed with, more than the average person perhaps, and that topic is growing up. 

Throughout my teenage years, from when I was 12 all the way up to when I was about 17 I used to skateboard a hell of a lot. Every single day for hours on end. And then one day I just stopped. I look back now and I have no idea why something I loved so much ended so abruptly. But I guess that’s growing up.

We never know when the last time we do something will be. THAT is growing up.

Looking back to my last ever skate, would I have done it differently if I’d known that I’d never do it again?

And think back to playing out as a young kid, trips down the park with your friends or snow days where you’d have giant snow ball fights and the like. I will never ‘play out’ again, and I can’t even remember the last time I did. I would’ve been playing out just like normal, blissfully unaware it was to be my last time ever. One day you wake up and you’re ‘too old’ to do what you did the day before.

I find this thought painfully depressing. And the fact that this is going to be a reoccurring theme throughout life even more so.

I’m coming up to my final day of my year abroad. I’ve probably already stepped foot in certain airports for the last time ever, drank coffee from a certain cafe for the last time ever.

And I’m approaching my final year of university, which is also my final year of education. There’ll be plenty more last times coming up.

Growing up is scary and sad and I don’t think you ever actually become a ‘grown-up’, because everything is always changing.

Thanks for reading!


2 thoughts on “My Deepest Darkest Thoughts 1

  1. This is crazy talk! You’re never too old to do anything. If you miss having snow ball fights with your friends, THROW A SNOW BALL AT ONE OF THEM! Nothing ever needs to be the last time you do something you enjoy. Maybe you lose some of your passion, but that doesn’t mean you can’t get it back or redirect that passion towards something new while remember what you had with fondness. Growing up doesn’t have to be depressing. It’s about learning who you are. And if you’re just finishing school now, you’re still a kid. Savor your time now doing what you love now instead of grasping at the past.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I totally get and appreciate your sentiment but I feel like these are moments which you can try and replicate, but realistically I will never experience what it was like to do something at that age again. I think it’s just what nostalgia is? I do enjoy my current experiences, I’m not all yearning for the past and as doom and gloom as maybe I seemed 😛

      Liked by 1 person

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